Vang Vieng Vientiane...Va Va Voom

Alternate Title: Miserable Bus Rides and Disappointing Cities

If that doesn't make you want to jump right in I don't know what will. But honestly, there's still a tale to be told and I intend to tell it.

We left Luang Prabang, jewel of Laos, all abuzz with excitement about the idyllic city we were about to encounter: Vang Vieng (VV). Everyone we met said it was the best thing since sliced bread. "It's like Luang Prabang, only so much better!"  And Luang Prabang had captivated our hearts so majestically, we eagerly went to get our bus tickets and be on our merry way. When we reached the travel agency we found what we knew was an amazing deal-- for only a dollar more each we could cut our drive time down from nine hours to five...and..AND we would have air conditioning and ample space in the roomy minivan (also notable: we would have less chance of breaking down on the road). 

So, we took the minivan.

HUGE mistake. MASSIVE. 

It did go faster, it's true, but it was the most terrible five or six hours any of the nine passengers had endured so far by means of bus travel. The trip was an endless succession of snaking paths along the edges of the mountains, the excitement of which was heightened by passing of the larger buses in what could only be inches of space from the rim of the cliff's we were skirting, the dodging of pedestrians and moterbikes alike, and of course the livestock. Goats in the street. Roosters everywhere. It was like a bad videogame. It's the same route by bus or minivan, to be sure. But the bus is so big it has to go much slower through all those hairpin turns. The minivan just blazes his own trail, completely impervious to the nausea and fright of his passengers. We finally made it to VV and not a moment to soon. We found a nice little guesthouse and tried very hard to forget all about the day's trip.

Vang Vieng:

Now strictly speaking, I think VV is in my top five most beautiful places I've ever been to. 

And yet I never want to go back.

It's just a travesty, that's why. The whole city is one sad heap of natural beauty and culture that Westerners just threw up all over (in many cases, literally). VV is a river town in Laos whose main attraction is a simple one. You rent an innertube for one day and spend what should be a very pleasant three or four hours floating down the river, staring up into the magnificent glory of the mountains all around you.

But no. It's anything but peaceful. The town has become the eternal city of Spring Break, but it's not fun, it's pathetic. Everyone but us was drunk and high and walking around in their underwear at all hours of the day. In Laos, where women cover their shoulders to the elbow and legs to the ankle regardless of the weather, it's just plain blasphemous to see them bending over backwards to get them another beer and give the best prices on Whiskey buckets to make ends meet. Praying people will come in their bar (which is really just a bamboo stool outside a mudhut where they keep a pale of ice, some of the nicest establishments are pictured above) and cursing their existence in the same breath. 

The whole river is lined with these makeshift bars that blare music so loudly you can't even think. People start drinking at breakfast.  You couldn't find anywhere to go that wasn't geared towards the sketchy tourist outfit. Consequently, the food was absolutely terrible.  They didn't serve Lao cuisine, just "Western" dishes made with whatever they had on hand. Oh it was gross. We couldn't get out of there fast enough. So we fled to the capital...Vientiane.

Although we opted for the full-sized bus for this trip we didn't think to try out our driver before hand. I think it was his first time using pedals. Have you ever ridden with someone who doesn't know how to accelerate smoothly, so instead they just surge the gas every three seconds? That was our drive for five hours into Vientiane.  I am proud to say that I did not get sick on the bus. I willed myself not to get sick the whole way there, but I couldn't help getting a little whiplash.

So Vientiane- the capital city.  It has some good points. The people seemed to be friendly there and less disgusted by travelers (with good reason). We saw some things. The city was very walkable. We saw the Royal Palace, but only from the outside, no tours allowed and whatnot.  There were temples galore, of course. My personal favorite thing was a concrete structure that served as a roundabout stationed just a few meters from the American Embassy. Apparently it's created soley out of concrete that had been donated to Laos by the US for the purpose of making or improving an airplane runway. That...structure was their symbol of defiance.  Well done Laos, very impressive. And how are those runways, hmm? Pity.

In front of the Royal Palace

"I should have been a runway."

 We ate dinner at this street cafe on our last night in Vientiane.  Overall we were underwhelmed by the "V" cities of Laos. When the time came we were ready to go to Thailand.

To the left, dinner. To the right, "weary."

Crossing the border was a much easier process leaving Laos than entering had been.  Although I've yet to forgive the man, I think he was Danish, anyway, who accosted us in line and tried to convince Joel to leave me- yes, right in front of me- explaining that he could find him five Lao girls in a snap to choose from to replace me. Joel isn't very good at understanding accents, so he had no idea what the man was saying, I, on the other hand, was outraged.  Yet, there we were, stuck in line together at the border to cross customs. 

This marks the end of our days in Laos and the beginning of our adventures in Thailand, that's right, home of the elephants and tigers.