I like it, add more bows and I'll love it.

As promised I'm continuing the list I started to share the quirkier aspects of life here.  And, I have to tell you, I had no idea how controversial that pea-popsicle was going to be. Here that's like a one on the scale of strangeness. There are corn popsicles and red-bean paste popsicles, milk popsicle with raisins, popsicles that have only a thin layer of actual popsicle carefully wrapped around a "tongue" of gelatin. I got that one once by accident. I thought it was lime then got really freaked out when the inside wasn't popsicle but some goo. I ran up to two youths that looked like they would speak English (I have a good sense for these things) and demanded that they translate the wrapper so I would know what I had just bitten into. It's called "Green Tongue" because when you lick it, the gelatin starts to look like a tongue. Personally, I wouldn't consider that a marketable feature, but there you go.

Fashion (#6) "I like it, but I'm going to need about ten more bows added before I'll wear it."
This is pretty self explanatory. China style is something of an enigma to me. I know it exists, but it's hard to see any true trends. What I have discovered I'll share here. Rule #1: More bows, more bows, more bows. We want bows in the hair, bows on the shoulders, bows on our backs, big bows on dresses, small bows flanking the sides of cardigans. The more bows the better. You'd think there was some sort of monetary compensation for the number of bows you wear in public.

The main window display of the "Gap" of China- it's called Uniglow

All the shirts are Carebears or Barbie

Rule #2  Clothes with animals-yes!  This fashion mentality mirrors my feelings about cheese. Mainly, everything is better when you add it. Why wear regular earmuffs when you could have bunny rabbit earmuffs? Why have a regular jacket when the hood could have cat ears and the back could have a tail? Why have a regular umbrella when you could get on in the shape of a frog with eyeballs sticking out of the top? Why? Why? Why?

Bunny rabbit earmuffs

Ok, that's all. Just two rules. Well, there is the heels rule- mainly you're an low-life idiot if you're a girl who doesn't wear six-inch tall heels everywhere you go. Riding your bike. Climbing the Great Wall. Whatever. But that one just makes me feel bad about myself for not wearing heels, so we'll move on.

I'm Allergic to My Air Conditioner (#15)
This was a really fun one to find out. I include it to make you all appreciate your clean air conditioners, clean drinking water and smog-free skies. To put it in perspective, I can stare directly into the sun here in the middle of the day without sunglasses and not even squint. Regarding the air conditioner, basically what happens is when we turn it on, I lose the ability to keep food in my stomach for any length of time. You were probably thinking that I sneeze a lot or something, nope. Nothing that fun. It happened last summer but we didn't make the association because we'd just moved here and we thought China itself was the enemy of my stomach. Now that hot weather is back and our air is on it's become painfully clear that it's our AC. I'll spare you the details, but you can trust me. Joel is unfazed. And it's never bothered anyone else, last fall or now, so I think you're safe if you're not me. (Just in case I'm terrifying future guests...Welcome to our amazing apartment!)

Who Farted? (#43)
I knew when I moved here that the manners wouldn't be the same. I knew there would be shoving and the hawking and spitting of gross things on the street, but what I didn't know was that people burp and fart without apology or shame. Let me tell you- the first time you see a lady tooting her heart out in an office and nobody bats and eye it is both shocking and hilarious, and unfortunately you pick up quickly on the "laughing now would be like laughing during a prayer" vibe. You really don't want to do it, but the fact that you aren't supposed to makes it harder to contain and ultimately you end up giggling despite yourself while everyone else looks at you like you're the immature one. Whatever, she farted. I just laughed about it. It's still a struggle not to make a face whenever my bus driver or my bus monitor burp and toot out their own little symphonies on the way to school and back each day.

Sorry, Mom. You raised me better than to converse about people's bodily functions, but I felt it was my journalistic duty to share it.